The pain..

The pain of being in love with someone you can never be with.. If anyone could just understand it.. How should I put it.. It's the kind of love that does not signal the beginning of something beautiful but rather the end of something that might been beautiful, but will never amount anything more than what it is. Or should I put it this way, you can know that you love her, understanding that there is no possibility that the two of us will be together again. Even tho there is, chances are pretty slim. It's been months.. Part of me still missing her.. Is that even a good or bad sign? I mean I'm not actually all the time sad for the loss of her anymore.. But I do still actually miss her. The existence of the love towards her is not weak at all. What should I do? I don't intend to spoil her new relationship. People always say the grass is greener on the other side but I just prefer to stay with these grass.. Sean Jin!! Remember this.. Keep it to yourself.. You have been doing good for hiding it .. So please don't ever show the weak side of you. Bloggie!! Thanks for allowing me to express my bloody feelings here. 

Wow.. Guess today I don't need to sleep already... Just got back from basketball with my homies.. Later 4am got to sent my family to the airport.. Surprisingly, this month I been running to klia/klia 2 just to fetch them there and pick them up again.. Yay!! Home alone with my bro.. We are going to rock the house!! Anyway at some point I hope she was here for me.. Accompany me to the airport.. (Aww.. What am I saying....) haha... Either way I'm staying bloody strong. So hell yeah!! 

Result

Am I going to die LOL.. 

So amazing!! Already 3rd day and my fever haven gone down!! Kns.. Whole body feel weak and I barely get up from my bed.. Antibiotics, fever medicine seems less effective...Shyt pls recover faster LOL. Well hopefully it's not dengue or else I gotta shift to the hospital.. ( look at the bright side, perhaps I'm getting thinner) weeee.. Haha. 

Why? I can be a good friend to people I can't be a good boyfriend to the girl I love? First love was like that second love was like that too. Hiez fail to the max ah!!  Anyone can guide me to become a better boyfriend? People say me this and that. Well of cause I'm aware of my flaws. Or I'm not capable of having a relationship at all? Dam I'm suck to the max man. 

Argh!! 1 more day for me to recover .. Not enough time to recover.. Forget it la .. I will play on with the injury!! FIGHT ah!!

 

Sha po.. If obstacle are easy everything could go perfect jor Lo. Test your limits and try your best ba.. I will support you from the back in case u fall down. 

IF time could turn back to the past.. i would undo what i have done now.. and we probably don't even have to end up like that. JIA, i guess to you now.. im a nobody anymore.. Actually i did thought about myself whether i am even qualify to have you back despite all the things i done. I don't think you may wanna have me in your life anymore. Its really hard for me to not contact you but i shall try but(the posibilities for you to forget me is really high >< ).. you deserve someone better. Life without you by my side is going to be hard...i will only love you in my heart. For now i got to do is wait and be patient .

What happen to me?? Today fall sick dam it.. Must be yesterday's swim at 3k caught a cold.. Sick nvm some more my thigh n waist kinda hurt .. Youch!! Really old jor .. Anyway.. 2 months without her already.. Yet my feelings to her still haven faded.... Lim Tsu Jin u gotta be patient !! People tell me to move on.. I can choose to listen to them.. I am moving on but to be a better man. Not to give up on her. Real man stay faithful. They don't have time to look for another woman. Because they are too busy looking for new ways to love their own. 

想逃离现在的生活？

Accidentally saw u posted on twitter. Am wondering whether it is because of your college life? must be stress to have alot of assignment to do.. i suppose? hope you are doing fine.. i wish i could lend u a hand but.. in our current situation i don't think you need me anymore. feel so helpless..try not to stress yourself ya..these assignment thingy will eventually over de. i believe u can handle de. All the best..

5201314?? took me some time what does it meant since i see most of the people posting on facebook. but how does it relate to i love you forever? still remain clueless lols =.= anyway whatever is it i have no chance to say those words to her anymore.. still.. I LOVE YOU ETERNALLY ! ahh... i feel good.

Its OVer?

Its really over this time. for 2 months i hold on .. and its also me myself screwed it up. Ya i might want info to know more about you what have u been doing.. maybe i request from your friend is wrong.. but did i use those information to try to approach you? did i use those information for any bad intention? ya am an adult.. but adult can too make wrong decisions and regret. but you? i dono mayb you feel you mature in handling our relationship. u say the bad memories always haunt u down.. what about good memories? not worth to even think about it anymore? u only want to think the bad memories.. thats what stopping us from starting another relationship.. i really not that worth another look anymore? yea perhaps to u its all past.. never present not anymore.  i don't even know why u tell me like dat my tears keep flowing. well i should feel proud that all the while i did tried hard to make us happen but it did not .. still the main point i did TRIED.. thats something to be proud of. (Die Liao la.. I tell her like that but feeling to her so strong..) To be honest, i miss the time we together >< how we face problems together .. share everything with each other .. no matter bad or good ones. arghh!! lee kar wee ah.. u really affected my life and u became part of my life which i feel bless to have u.

It's a special day..

Well.. Guess what? .. It's 11/5/2014.. It's a special day for my only beloved mother.. Happy mothers day mom xD gonna celebrate it tonite!! Haha!! Well apart from Mother's Day, it's actuali another special day too for me.. It's our anniversary !!! Although as how much as I want to express it to her I could not express this to her anymore it's because we are over.. So I'm expressing out HERE with no restrictions.. Well today is the exact day dat we have been together for 2 years .. ( if we were stil together) anyway of coz I know today would come.. So last few days I been looking for gifts for my mom and of coz her.. Mom's gift was kinda easy to pick up.. But hers.. Haha I spend time to look for it.. N guess what I found for her??

Ta da!!! Hunger game set books lol.. On 10/5/2014, morning I went over to maxis to change my ivalue 2 plan becoz my contract had already expired. So I change to a cheaper plan which is surf more 75.. I used more on data so I decide to choose dat package. After that came back home watch nba with my buddies until 1pm+ and we head over to bukit tinggi try out the Assam laksa store. Food was kinda not bad.. So.. After dat I told them dat I wanna head over to aeon to look for gifts .. So they start to question me Lols .. Some of dem did get my intention  and so we head to popular and I found this hunger game books but it did not come in set >< and at that time oni got book 1 n 2.. Book 3 no stock!!! Was kinda frustrated at the beginning .. So after that.. In the nite, me and kp headed over to bukit raja jusco popular oso same result!!! Book 3 no stock!! It was kinda late already but I told kp to go 1 more place which is setia mall...took me 10min to reach setia mall .. Also same result!! Book 3 no stock!! My frustration increase!! Was kinda emo .. So I ask the counter guy to check for me which outlet can I go and purchase the book 3 ( name title mockingjay ) was telling to kp dat if don have I think we might have time to shoot to sunway to check lo he say I crazy =.= dinner also haven eat yet.so after the counter guy checked, everywhere sold out except the curve At damansara.. Haha got hope Liao !! And so this morning wake up went jogging had my breakfast with my frens den I myself shoot straight to the curve!! Took me some time to search for the popular store.. But at the end I found the book!!!! Though I been running here n there, I'm kinda happy to look for the books and it's definitely worth it!!! 42.90 per/book !! i feel the satisfaction ^^ 

Horoscope~~

well i came across this article about horoscope and its quite true tho i normally never believe it :P 

im the aquariuse and she's the virgo 

Aquarius and Virgo

When Virgo and Aquarius join together in a love match, they bring out either the best or worst in one another. Virgo has a more rigid, theory-oriented approach to life. The poetic Aquarian approach, on the other hand, knows nothing of the scientific world. But these two lovers may actually thrive on their differences; they grow together as they learn about one another.

Aquarius tends to be passionate and temperamental while Virgo operates more methodically, and with little fuss. Virgo is very organized and levelheaded. Aquarius is modern and finds routine unthinkable. Virgo will find Aquarius exciting but may become annoyed trying to probe this artist’s mind. Aquarius will be upset by Virgo’s criticism, but will find the solid base Virgo provides very appealing.

Virgo is ruled by Mercury and Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Uranus. Both Mercury and Uranus are androgynous energies while Saturn is a cool, traditional energy. Uranus is about all things odd and atypical. Mercury is communicative and focuses on organization and efficiency, all of which are important to Virgo. Saturn is about hard work and discipline to achieve goals while Uranus centers on forward thinking. Virgo will try to introduce organization, rationality and comfort into Aquarius’s life. Aquarius can inspire Virgo to be more aloof, to dig their heels in and stand up for what they believe.

Virgo is an Earth Sign and Aquarius is an Air Sign. Aquarius moves through life seeking pure spiritual enlightenment, while Virgo is more intellectual. Virgos seek the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of a situation, while Aquarians simply focus on what tickles their fancy, practical or not, and usually ask ‘what next?’ At times each partner may find it difficult to understand the other’s perspective. Conflicts can arise in this relationship if becomes obsessed with realizing the perfect relationship or Aquarius seems too aloof. Both partners must appreciate and respect one another’s view of the world, and see that they have a lot to learn from their partner.

Virgo is a Mutable Sign and Aquarius is a Fixed Sign. Aquarius can be unreasonable, opinionated and stubborn. Both partners are very passionate and intent when working toward their goals. Virgo adapts well to any social situation. Virgo is pleased to help Aquarius as long as their efforts are appreciated. Conflicts are rare, and are usually resolved by more Virgo’s accommodating nature than by any concessions on Aquarius’s part. If the two understand they’re working together for a common goal, it’s much easier for them to reach it. Virgo is more realistic than Aquarius will be more willing to budge to avoid a heated fight.

What’s the best aspect of the Virgo-Aquarius relationship? It’s that when they come together, their combined ambition drives them to do miraculous deeds. This relationship tends to be informative, enlightening and a pleasure to both participants.

However, if love is there between the two, you should go ahead to improve the relation. To make it run smoothly, both have to make little effort and come forward for establishing harmony. For that Virgo woman is suggested to control the pitch and speech when in anger. However, it is difficult to control but when tried can bring good results. She should try to plan trips together or spend evenings together regularly. This makes him understand that she is not as shy as he thought and here the Virgo woman will understand that he is also not as quiet as she had thought him to be. Social connections will stimulate your relationship. Make atmosphere light to relax your partner. Here the Aquarian man is suggested to be a bit practical and provide financial security. It is good for the future of both. Support and motivate your partner in her career and household chores. It will work like magic. 

hopefully we could start all over :D 

Dreaming~~

Guess what.. I dreamt about me and her this morning!! While I was at home , late nite I heard someone is knocking my house door .. My family were already sleeping.. So while I was still awake I came down n check hu was it.. It was HER!! With tears.. She asked me can I come in?? Of coz I would open the door for her.. But what happen?? Ur in tears.. Are u alrite?? Come in to my room .. Let's talk about it.. She was telling me that she is under lots of stress .. And she Dono why she ended up here.. I told her it was kinda shock to see you here.. Especially late nite.. She's having lots of stress in the college with the exams  college activities and ppl around her.. I tried to comfort her .. And she did manage to stop cyring n then we talk abit bout us.. She wanna go for a trip with me someday .. I was shock to hear dat but I say sure y not? Haha.. Den she asked me can I overnite hear for today?? Hmm.. Alrite sure . At that nite she was in my arms haha.. So happy ..  Ai yoo!! 7.30am alarm woke me up!! Kacau betul haha !! It was a nice dream xD 

Why people around me now reali can't be trusted anymore?? Why people change so easily?? Why?? Why must I face this kind of treatment?? Last time I have her with me of coz I put my trust on her.. But now.. Who else can I trust?? Sometimes I just wanna stand alone.. Believe in me, me n only me.. 

Emo emo haha..

Lee Kar Wee.. I can't tell u how much I love u but at least I could express out in my blog.. I miss you so much .. The love I have inside my heart for you is unreplaceble.. I could not tell u this becoz  your heart no longer have me.. To me it's kinda sad.. But I gotta accept the fact...i once own you.. N I hope to own u again some other time.. If that reali happen, I will never ever let u go from me that easily!! I will bring out all my effort for u.. No doubt about that..

HAHA~~~

This morning i reached my workplace, i turn on my facebook and realize that WHAT!! she removed me... i was like WHY?  FOR WAD REASON U REMOVE ME?? so i called her and ask but she say that she did not remove me.. so i told her nvm and then close the call.. after that  i whatsapp her asking her why she lied to me? she replied  i didn't unfriend you or block you.. i told her to go c for herself .. and i told her if you hate me just say so.. n so she insisted she did not unfriend or block me.. she herself also have no idea why i been removed.. well then she mention this.. if i want to unfriend you , i wont wait till now.. think wisely thanks.. so it came to my sense and yea she was rite.. i told her that im sorry for the misunderstand .. FACEBOOK AH.. y u prank me!! ><

Wow felt that I recently had not enough of sleep.. So much of stuff happen lately and I'm kinda busy with my work, sports , and not to mention .. Some other stuffs.. Will reveal it when the right time comes xD. Anyway yesterday I tried to invite her out again.  Well no harm to invite her for outing rite?? After several weeks of trying to invite her out, finally she did reply me back .. Well is that a good sign?? Or she just don't want to be rude? Whatever is it , I'm glad she reply but of course the answer she gave me was I don't think so ..but after that she said most of the movies she watched already. So I ask her wanna do something else besides movies??  She just tell me yc someday .. Without doubt I did not mention anymore. So I just reply sure. Well she must have tot I'm still in love with her and I wanna see her so badly.. she must have also tot that i wanna meet her because i still cant accept the break up.. To tell the truth I stil have feelings for her but at the same time I'm kinda happy with my life.. i tottally accept the break up .Besides that, I believe she's taken by someone else so I keep my love towards her by myself can jor. Like I said I kinda happy with my life.. How she thinks about me does not matter anymore. If she were to be mine she will come back to me.. Let faith decide. Well if you need someone to talk to .. I might be a good listener haha.. If I can't comfort u at least I will pei u .. Somehow not sure why, i feel different .. well guess im matured.. already 23 lols =.=By the way neighbor uncle ask me how come I became thin?? U on diet is it?? ( so proud ) well I told him uncle I workout everyday. My target is to turn back to form 1 that thin. after that start to build muscles. DOUBLE UR EFFORT MR. LIM!!

Today, there is an blood donation event at centro.  A day before today , i told myself that i should go and participate.. but this morning i woke up .. i have doubt that whether i should go participate the blood donation event or not. After thinking.. i should just stick to my plans , i should overcome one of my fear as well .. so i decided to go to that event (since its my 1st time ).  once i arrive, guess what? i saw her (my ex) she was there helping the event. i almost forgot that she likes to join these type of events.. To think that last time i use to say no to her.. must have been hard for her (sorry). Well anyway, its my 1st time donating blood, so im not quite sure bout the procedure.. some helpful helper guided me. they measured my weight and guess WHAT? i drop another 3kg!!! now 67kg liao woohooo... after that, they were like asking me whether i have eaten or did i have any other disease or did i take any medications or any health problem.. i was like yes i have eaten ( in reality i haven ate yet >< ) & of cause my health is freaking okie & i Don't have any health problems. After all the Questioning, i was told to do the blood test.. and then they check my pressure.. well its definitely normal rite? :D once everything done and registered, they ask me wanted to donate from my left or right hand. At first i told them left hand but after that i change it to my right hand... before the nurse jab my hand i asked her.. sakit tak ? she say sikit saja jangan risau...LOL  hell ya i was dam nervous when the nurse jab my hand !! was like ( Oh My Fxxxxxx God there's a hole in my arm) And then the nurse took a bigger needle poke it in.. (wow my balls shrinking LOL) i saw bloods flowing out from me !!  it took about 10mins 450ml i think.. i was kinda dizzy at the moment.. so i rest for another 10mins . Once done, i went over to her ask her whether she wants to have lunch or not.. (of cause i knew the answer already but just a simple lunch doesn't do any harm) anyway she told me her lunch was prepared. of cause i stopped asking her. Well i guess she sees me not like how she used to see me anymore.. i did notice something, that she wore a blue wrist band.. my guess she found someone she loves already.. must be one of the college mate i guess..  well of coz my heart cant stop asking who is that ? but of cause dun forget jin.. she no longer yours.. she has freedom to go for another guy if she chooses to.  Anyway it was a great achievement to overcome 1 of my fear HAHA. Glad i did it..

My 2 years life.

Its been so long that i did not update my blog already. I guess this is the time then.. hmm.. how should i start? Well... i officially dated this girl on 11.5.2012. Her name is Lee Kar Wee. At that time she was only 19 year old whereelse im 21 year old. Want to know how do we knew each other? basically it was due to kah peng. so happen his a coach for the girls team in SMK Seri Andalas & so happen is that she's on that team too. Well 1 day, when i arrive home from college, a bunch of girl were so called training outside my house along with kp, once i go in, kp point at her asking me that Jin, this girl okie mau? i was like hmm... okok lo.. so this is the girl that u start to fall in love? kp says hehe ya >< i told him not bad ma (somehow she became mine :P ) anyway apparently after that, she was having some problems with her relationship thingy for certain period & thanks to kp that she finally able to settle it down. Normally only me & kp always hangout together... suddenly she pop out of nowhere :P haha... ever since then, 2 person became 3 person and we were happy to get along... i do remember i like to bully her haha... pinch her face push her all sort of things haha and she also do the same to me !! of course i knew kp likes her very much.. but she has no feeling towards him (sry kp)  & that is how me and her communicate... besides that,she likes to disturb me through certain social networks no matter where i am in college or home.. after long term period we chat like more then best friends level !!! ahaha  i remember during cny i invited her to my house along with my friends so i took moms estima to pick her up LOL.. shocking rite?? once arrive home.. mom look at me ask me fetch girl use estima ya haha i was just smilling away but anyway at first i feel she cant seem to join in my frens conversation (not use to it yet ) but lucky my bro and edwin was there to accompany her.. so sry ya.. not don't want to chap u .. just u know la i need to accompany other people too.. but that we went over to darrel's house but she did not join anymore... i guess she kinda boring ba >< anyway during nite time.. i went over her house to chat chat with her .. hopefully she feels good with it.  then 1 day, she was telling me that she have someone in her heart already. i was like.. hmmm could it be kp?? definitely cant be me gua? so i asked her is it kp? at first she don't want to tell , but after certain period when i was mentioning kp again then she said that is not kp.... well she did hinted me for several times.. but i acted like i don't know a darn thing (trying to stay cool :D) after that she started to spell out my name & still i try to be cool :D ( macam cruel :P) well at that time i got to admit that i had feel for her too (still try to act cool :D ) hahaha in the end we became couple but unofficially because don't forget that kp is unaware about it.. so we try to hide as long as possible... 1 day he finally found out and so we officially started our journey since 11.5.2012 :D yay congrats to me..  i began another journey with this lovely girl. we been together for almost 2 years .. of course there is lots of great memories and bad memories...we also did argue much.. but i believe love is like that thats y we stayed strong for the relationship.. on my birthday she gave me a Bonia wallet !! i was like LOL y buy so expensive stuff?? i asked her how much.. she kept quiet until i force her to tell me and its around rm 200-300+ so expensive!! the wallet until now im still using hehe :D  well anyway!  Penang trips, KL tower, Mid Valley, Paradigm, bukit cahaya and lots more !!! all these are damm awesome!! bukit cahaya was kinda amazing where we rent bicycle cycle around haha.. but i abit sui.. choose a bicycle with brakes that are not functioning ><  KL tower was kinda romantic and it was her birthday so i decided to go all the way up to the tower with my lover .. we have wonderful buffet and of course the view was superb.. although im afraid of heights we manage to take photos.. she was delighted for what i have done for her.. to c her happy everything is worth it (HAHA) ops almost forgot to mention, there is 1 time where she met an accident around andalas, thank god i was right behind her car so i stopped and try to solve for her the incident ba.. she was totally freak out and don't know what to do at that time.. of coz she is sad and scare at that time.. told her not to worry so much .. everything will be alrite .. i even ask her to tell her mom.. well she did cried while driving to college (at that time i wish she was calm and okie no other thing more important then her safety ba )... few days before christmas, i head over to jusco to get her a christmas present.. after walked for several hours i decide to get her something usable.. it came to my mind straight.. LOCCITANE! her favourite product.. haha so i went and survey ... think think think.. so i decided to buy !! its around RM 190 promotion lol.. ever since then, when hangouts with me she frequently ask me dont you think i smell very nice and fresh?? HAHA she was praising herself haha... (so cute). theres 1 period where she works at 1986 cafe during my lunch time, i went back home prepare lunch and you know what was it?? it was grandma special sambal.. so house got bread i quickly made feel slices pack and go over to her workplace gave her that roti sambal to eat haha :D there is 1 time she herself also made me breakfast , its like sushi row with ba song.. it was kinda cute but im sorry .. im hungry so i have to eat it haha and it was delicious. i feel the love and effort of hers :D. Again theres 1 time while i was at work.. i curi curi on facebook saw her online so i decide to spam her !!! telling her that i love her i need her.. she replied me so free ah dear? haha i told her i curi curi de.. den she replied again curi curi spam liao so much haha, well it made her day D:  Well... on 1st january 2014 i bought her a Fossil watch which she long wanted.. in my heart i was like (YAY i put a smile on her face) well its around rm 600 .. was thinking since im working why not? so decided to buy for her and she's very happy haha.. on 14th febuary 2014 it was my birthday and valentines day and she plan the activities on that day.. so on 12th febuary 2014 i went over to florist shop (was thinking that i should make her feel touchy) so Ta-Da.. i bought a bouquet of rose 12 rose + 8 stalks of chocolates.. i hide it in my car .. so after that, as we wanted to head over to paradigm mall she open the car door and was like SHOCK!!  i was like ( dar , u should see your face expressions) haha 1st time i gave her a bouquet of rose LOL i never did that when i was with my first lover :D anyway here comes the sad case... on 14th march 2014 she officially broke up with me.. reasons is that she has no more feeling towards me and i got to admit that i was very controlling on her life this cannot that cannot.. & im have not been supportive towards her.. i easily get angry  and im stubborn.. well i guess all these are my weakness ba.. anyway its been a month since the break up and of coz im still in the progress to make myself better.. of course action speak louder than words. well whether can i get her back or can we start a really fresh relationship  its up to faith.. i let faith decide..to tell the truth, with her being part of my life was 1 of the greatest experience... thank  U my dear..   well thats all about me about these 2 years !! OH!! and finally im been doing some exercise to cut down my weight and i successfully from 77kg drop to 70kg  woohooo... just got to put more effort into it  PUSH AH!!!